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Teresa Lynn on Friday, March 2nd, 2012 |
4 CommentsWhile in Argentina my husband, Dave Albano fulfilled a huge personal goal of climbing Mt. Aconcagua. It took three weeks to accomplish. In that time I would be on my own with my two boys to experience Argentina as much as possible and still be back in Mendoza to meet Dave when he got off the mountain. Some might be overwhelmed by being a woman traveling alone with kids in a new country where the language is not her own. Sure, we had come equipped with our “tourist” Spanish and a lot of Spanglish. There were many moments when this really wasn’t enough.
I had intended to stay in Western Argentina and explore some areas that I thought would be interesting for both my boys and myself. My kids are five and seven years old so, things were PG to say the least. Within three days of Dave being gone on his excursion I found myself in San Juan with two sick kids in a hotel room. It was awful just being sick but I had to change our plans due to their dehydration, the extreme heat and long travel days that were intended. The trip was supposed to fun, not make a bad situation worse. When they were healthy enough to travel again, we took the bus 2.5 hours south back to Mendoza. We checked into what turned out to be a very nice hotel. Good thing too. This was the time that I got sick for a couple of days. So travel was postponed whether I would choose to or not. Now what?
Patagonia looked more and more amazing the more I read about it. I hadn’t read it earlier because I didn’t expect to be crossing the country until after Dave was back. I’m looking at pictures of the ocean, a huge variety of wild life and tour options that were accessible and kid friendly. I had to go for it. I must admit that I did have butterflies in my belly, but I was also very excited. I’ve never done any sort of traveling of this caliber on my own and certainly not with kids. As soon as I was better I went to the bus station and booked the 25 hour bus ride to Patagonia. I had no idea how the kids would endure such a trip but I really hoped it would be worth it.
As soon as I saw the ocean I knew I made the right decision. I was so proud of myself for choosing to do something far out of my comfort zone. The reward was immediate and huge. My kids were so excited. They started looking for Orcas right away. Silly kids. They traveled so well and didn’t seem to notice how long we were on that bus. Once we got to Patagonia, it was like the bus ride didn’t happen. We did nothing but look forward to planning some amazing experiences. If I didn’t trust myself to simply take the chance, I would never have felt the immense satisfaction of knowing that I could pull it off. Sounds simple but truly, I packed up my kids on a bus in a foreign country that doesn’t speak my language and crossed it clear to the other side. It was a life changing moment for me when I reached my destination knowing that I just did something I would never have thought possible before.
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Teresa Lynn on Tuesday, February 28th, 2012 |
No CommentsRecently my husband Dave Albano and I were talking about how his quest to climb the 7 summits could also be part of raising awareness for child sexual abuse survivors. He has always been my biggest fan in supporting my healing process and my willingness to share my story. He created Climbing For Kids with the intention of literally bringing awareness to new heights. The project will continue to keep the conversation going and hopefully contribute the the creation of places like Be Brave Ranch. When awareness meets action, life for so many people changes immediately.
Lately, there has been a lot of media coverage related to the ongoing sexual abuse of young hockey player in Canada by Graham James. Some very prominent names were part of the process to help ensure this predator is put in jail for a long time. 
Theo Fleury has written his book, “Playing with Fire”, and has also come forward in court with a powerful victim impact statement. Ken Dryden also recently came forward to offer a very candid explanation why it is that many don’t get involved when there are suspicions of child abuse. His honesty was refreshing but also lends to a very specific problem.
When victims are afraid to come forward for fear of public scrutiny or fear of their abuser, the abuser continues to abuse. When other members of the society don’t come forward when they know there is a situation that needs to be questioned, the abuser continues to abuse. The bravery needed to say something has got to be huge from both victim and members of society. Risk of reputation, fear that people won’t believe the story, a lack of faith in the system to bring justice to those who have violated innocent victims, all lend to abusers continuing to abuse.
Keeping the discussion about child sex abuse happening will help take away the stigma of the subject as a whole. As people develop a comfort level with such personal topics being brought into conversation, the tolerance of these acts with go way down. The public will have a better understanding of how widespread these sorts of occurrences happen and know it’s only through action of individuals that will make a difference. Hoping that “it will work itself out” or “someone will look after this” will never make it safe for victims to come forward. Those that would choose to charge their abuser would have to know that society would believe them and would actually investigate their story efficiently. Feeling confident in society and the law takes away the self blame that often happens when abuse continues over time. Children that have already been lied to, humiliated and scared into silence need to know that what happened to them isn’t their fault. Trust is already compromised and if those that we rely on are too afraid to step up and do the right thing, then fighting these predators is nearly impossible.
Climbing for Kids is working towards raising awareness around the subject of childhood sexual abuse with the understanding that there is a lot of work to do. The public not only has to be informed but also educated about what they can do to help survivors and the justice system. The survivors that are brave enough to come forward need a place to heal, and learn how to love themselves enough so that they believe that they deserve to be treated with love and respect. Climbing for Kids and Little Warriors are continuing to make these goals reality. With the creation of places like Be Brave Ranch, more and more survivors will come forward and more predators will be brought to justice.
What can you do? Get educated. Be aware. Get involved. Thank you.
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Teresa Lynn on Tuesday, February 21st, 2012 |
2 CommentsI have been missing writing here. I had a roller coaster of a 2011 followed by a wonderful holiday with my family in Argentina. It was a time to unplug and be engaged with my family in an amazing country. I don’t know a single person who has told me that 2011 was a good year for them. I’m not alone in my happiness that a new year has begun. With it came a whole pile of positive energy to play in. My time in Argentina gave me lots of opportunity to find clear vision for some goals that I have been working on as well as find some new perspective on my path in life.
The main lesson learned through many bumps in the road is, “Everything is as it should be.” This mantra has brought me a lot of peace lately and has opened me up to allow life to present itself to me rather than me trying to control and plan everything. Things that seem to be going “wrong” in the moment turn out to be blessings in the aftermath. 
During my travels with my kids there were at least three times that momentary frustration turned into a gratitude to the universe that obviously “has my back”. Thank you to Jennifer Hough for giving me this phrase. Jennifer has brought me many blessings and I find myself laughing at how many times I read her material and realize we’re echoing each other. Obviously we’re Awesome! 
All those “little things” really are little things. It’s amazing how the mind can take hold of tedious thoughts and roll them into an inner dialogue of constant chatter. I have become quicker at recognizing my ego hammering away at my trying to stay present. I’m trying to ignore the ego and it’s pissed off. I find I’m doing better lately which has been a relief on so many levels. In having several weeks to reconnect with my family, myself and new experiences, I chose to stay connected rather than listen to that chatter that always took me out of my life. In choosing to stay present, I can focus on my path and who it is that I want to become. Putting organizations like Little Warriors and projects like Climbing for Kids in my life is going to be HUGE. I plan on raising awareness and getting the issues around childhood sexual abuse known. I feel that people want to learn and get involved with helping others with problems that used to be “taboo”. I want victims to come forward and know that they are safe and supported in society. They can feel safe because people are talking about their situation and NO ONE is blaming them. Big things are coming for me and I’m going to make them bigger and pass them on to you!
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Teresa Lynn on Wednesday, December 21st, 2011 |
1 CommentI’ve been quiet on here lately. I have been processing the emotional ups and downs of having done the right thing, for the right reasons and working through how it went so wrong. I helped a friend and her children out in a tough time by opening my home to them. It was a long process that took a long time to devolve to a lot of stress and heartache for just about everyone involved. There was a wonderful sense of joy in helping those in need for about 85% of the time. In sharing our home and opening our hearts, many opportunities presented themselves for all of us to learn and grow.
After wading through the many emotions of sadness and loss after my friend moved out I wondered if I would ever allow myself to help others so personally. Maybe it’s better to simply cut a check to a foundation and call it a day. I have to admit that the cliche of “no good deed goes unpunished” came to mind many times. Many of my personal boundaries were broken in trying to create a safe and stable environment for the four kids. I insulated them as much as possible from the “adult” issues that had to be sorted out. As time passed and stress built up I realized that I had invested more into helping my friend at the expense of my own emotional well being. I was exhausted and feeling the pressure to “fix” the situation. My marriage was stressed out and my friend was making my family the source of her stress instead of the circumstances that brought her to my home in the first place.
When it was all said and done and my friend had moved out of my house I really wondered what I had done to bring this drama into my life and what it was that I needed to learn from this. I had, fortunately, kept the big issues away from my kids. They simply thought they left to go to their new house. Fine. One good thing. But now what? I allowed my home and family to be compromised so I could help other kids. I had to really work through a lot of feelings and speak with those closest to me to sort through the emotional debris.
The conclusion: I’m a good person that will continue to help those that I can. The desire to help others is not a flaw. I will be careful about my boundaries no matter how close the relationship or how long the relationship has been there. I also have learned that my doing things for others doesn’t mean they will react or behave in the way I expected. It has to be that way. I can’t do things and start putting demands on other people’s sensibility. So, yes, I would and will continue to help others. Doing the right thing for the right reason outweighs being too afraid of the consequences. Thank you so much to all my friends and family that helped me with this life lesson. I especially have to thank my friend that is no longer with me because without her I would not have had this lesson learned. I have nothing but light and love for you. Be at Peace.
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Teresa Lynn on Sunday, October 30th, 2011 |
No CommentsIt took a long time after my dad was deported for me to stop looking over my shoulder. I just didn’t believe that he was really gone. In this state of wanting to open up and allow myself to develop normal relationships, I had to stop looking back. I had to believe that he was gone and I was safe and to allow people into my life. In trying to be more authentic, I realized that I didn’t even know what that was. I wanted to open up but didn’t want to get hurt. I couldn’t have it both ways. I knew it but didn’t know how to make that shift. I didn’t even know how to love myself. How would anyone else love me if I didn’t believe that I was worth it? After a lot of counseling, I could see that I was worth getting to know and that it was my responsibility to allow others to be my friend. Ultimately I had to take the chance that I could be hurt and that it was ok. In recognizing that I valued myself enough to survive my years of abuse; I also recognized that I was worth getting to know. I gave myself permission to do what I was always forbidden to do – talk about who I am and actually show that I liked who I was.
I wanted to feel the joy of being spontaneous. I had always tried to control the variables in my life. I had to give myself permission to accept that people could be trusted. I started to consciously put out tidbits of information about myself in conversation. Baby steps. In time, I started putting my opinion into discussions. It was hard at first. I was so used to being evasive and not giving specific details about me that I thought there would be some sort of reaction when I exposed my thoughts and feelings. Well, there was a reaction. It turned out that I could smile and actually feel that I was happy. Typically, as a kid, smiling was a face I made. It was what I was supposed to do to be polite and make our family look happy. I found myself having conversations without thinking ahead about what I was supposed to say. I was relaxed when I spoke. I found out I was funny. I was making friends. I was laughing and being invited to hang out with them. The best part was that I could accept the invitations. I didn’t have to make up lame excuses as to why I wasn’t going out. I used to stay home in my safe, little world. I couldn’t get hurt there but I wasn’t having any fun either. I gave myself permission to have FUN. 
Looking back now I realize that I have been able to use the strength I needed to survive to help me heal too. The strength it took to stand up and charge my abuser was used to allow myself to risk getting hurt in love or friendship. I found that the joy of connecting with people made any of the disappointments very manageable. Happiness trumps being emotionally numb. It sounds like a really obvious things to conclude but, there was a time in my life when you would never have convinced me that it was true. I’ve come a long way, baby.
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Teresa Lynn on Saturday, October 8th, 2011 |
No CommentsThank you to the universe for presenting me with the opportunity to learn that both love and loss are essential. In opening my heart and allowing myself to give of myself freely, I opened a door for the possibility that things would not go as I expected. I brought into my home a family in need with the expectation that we could help them get a new start from a tough situation. My expectations became the crux of my transition to loss. Circumstances changed and I learned that it was not my place to put demands on the way things “should” have gone. The love for a wonderful family and the loss of that same family in my life has changed me. Thank you for my journey and the understanding that my life has a higher purpose and I must be well equipped to deal with even bigger challenges ahead. In the light of the greater good, I have found that understanding how to let go is more important than having things go as I planned. It’s in the letting go that I found myself understanding that strength and love come in so many forms. Universe, I feel much more prepared to handle whatever you will bring me. I am open to all that you have for me so that I can be fully present and able to share all that I have with as many people as possible. 
As I move forward on this path, I feel that knowing I am able to both Love and Let Go will be essential to helping so many find healing and peace. Accepting that my journey will have many challenges will help me overcome them and find so much more joy than I ever thought possible.
On this Canadian Thanksgiving I feel blessed with so much and in a place of growth. I have the support and love of those that I treasure most. I have a beautiful family and a marriage that will endure through the toughest of times. I am fortunate to have my health and a healthy family. My children bring me joy each time I see them act in the confidence that they are loved. My journey is one of strength and love and I am excited to be able to share that with the world.
I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and hope that you have a moment to consider all that you have to be grateful for. Even the unexpected leads to great things.
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Teresa Lynn on Saturday, October 1st, 2011 |
No CommentsOne thing that I learned long ago is that EVERYONE has a story that is unique and compelling. No one is without their challenges and demons to battle. The question at some point comes down to this: Are you defined by your story? At what point do you choose to simply live in the moment and represent all that you have been through? Coming out on the other side of chaos, trauma or drama is a testament to your strength and resiliency. Recognize that those things that you thought couldn’t be overcome are now in your past and you are still here.
Refuse to make excuses. Refuse to blame others for your anger and resentment. You are who you are because of those same things and people that have brought you to a place of anger and resentment. Let that go. Forgive yourself and those others and own your story. Don’t let your story own you. Know that there is a point when all the excuses for the drama and misery you have adopted into your present life can no longer be blamed on your past. Finding the strength to love yourself and allow healing to take place will bring more satisfaction than any harboured drama that you relive over and over again.
Demonstrate the fact that you own your story by being confident and willing to share who you are authentically. Expressing yourself and putting yourself in an honest place takes away all the power that your past ever had over you. Walk Tall- Walk Proud. You are Here.
It’s your life. OWN it!
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Teresa Lynn on Tuesday, September 27th, 2011 |
2 CommentsA wonderful woman, Tasleem Jessani, sent me a link to a broadcast today. I listened to the broadcast and found it so wonderful and helpful. The book, “My Body Belongs to Me” can really help kids between 3-8 years old understand that their bodies are private. It’s inspiring to see how a dedicated woman and district attorney, Jill Starishevsky, has dedicated her career to prosecuting child sex abusers.
Inspired Children w Dr Rosina Child abuse keeping kids safe 09/26 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio.
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Teresa Lynn on Monday, July 25th, 2011 |
No CommentsOk. I’m back in a place of being able to articulate some of the many issues I dealt with in therapy. There has been a swirling of various topics in my head but none seemed to have any sense of direction or purpose. It was truly uninspiring to be overwhelmed by so many partial ideas. I finally have a few specific trains of thought that I wish to explore.
How to break down the wall of self-preservation
I Spent more than 16 years learning how to insulate myself from the ongoing trauma and chaos in my life. The best defense was to systematically shut down my emotions and disassociate from the physical events happening to me. I could not allow myself to dwell on the rights and wrongs of my situation. I had to shut off feelings so I could cope with just getting through my day to day life. I wasn’t scared, mad or sad anymore. I could take anything handed to me and get through it. I didn’t even feel the pain when I got hit. It was just another thing to survive so, I did.
The problem with all this is that I wouldn’t allow myself to feel happy, excited or interested in life that much. I was always sure that whatever it was that made me happy could be pulled away at any time. I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment that was coming, so it was hard for me to feel joy. I didn’t believe anything I hoped for would actually come to fruition so I refused to look forward to anything. I was one insulated little bunny. Now what? I’m living on my own, dad’s in jail and I can finally breathe. I didn’t know how.
In trying to allow friends to get to know me better I stressed right out. I was used to being “nice” but no one really knew me. I was social enough but FAR from being an open book. I didn’t know what is was to openly confide in people, except for two precious friends that helped me get out of my house and charge my dad. I was still in high school but felt more strange than before as I was now paying rent and living on a very tight budget. I didn’t have money to go to the movies or a car to spontaneously go hang out with whomever. I was glad to be on my own in my crappy, furnished motel room. I was safe. I had to adjust to that too…and the quiet. I’m the oldest of five kids. I wasn’t used to being alone in a quiet place. I had to sleep with radio on for the longest time. However, I was more than a little resentful of the lack of money and it really irritated me that so many other kids didn’t have to worry about money because they could always go ask mommy and daddy for more.I was jealous obviously, but I didn’t recognize it at the time. I preferred to believe that they were a bunch of spoiled brats without any problems. So, it turned out that I was still an outsider. The difference was, I didn’t want to be anymore.
Through a lot of therapy with Sandra Elsley I was able to sort through a lot of issues so I could attach emotions to experiences. It was horrible at first and I was so far out of my comfort zone. (assuming I had one) The emotions would come and I would freak out. I didn’t know how to process them. I shut back down again as per my usual defense mechanism and try again. I had so much pain and anger to wade through before I found the strength to be happy and feel safe inside. I was so used to chaos and now that I had control of many of the elements of my life I didn’t know how to manage. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wondered if my dad would sneak back into Canada and I’d see him out my door one day. It was paranoid, but I couldn’t help it. It took a long time to believe he was really gone and that I could relax, even a little.
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Teresa Lynn on Tuesday, June 28th, 2011 |
2 CommentsI was asked, “Where does compassion fit in?” as I was explaining what makes me tick. I would hate to think that in my direct way of speaking about hard issues that I may be perceived as lacking compassion. I’m sure the person asking me meant no offense (none was taken), but I wondered how I missed this priority in the delivery of my philosophy. The best part about having been asked the question is that I had a chance to verbally articulate where compassion fits into the way I see myself helping others.
It is through my belief in others and their ability to achieve their dreams that I can afford compassion for just about anyone. I see potential in people and the goodness that lies within in each heart. I know that if given the support and love any one person deserves, anything is possible. My compassion comes in the form of love and empowerment of those that need a cheerleading section. I don’t allow room for self pity and self depreciation in lieu of moving forward in life. Yes, anyone can get stuck, but please don’t tell me that you have no choice about staying stuck. I leave lots of room for people to forgive themselves, find love and patience with themselves and I will be there to ensure that that person is strong enough to make their own lives the way they envisioned it. I don’t hold grudges and find that anger and resentment are exhausting and time wasting. I do all I can to have people find a place to forgive those that have caused them pain and find a way to let that pain go. In doing so, compassion comes in the form of love, forgiveness, patience and sometimes a kick in the ass. Namaste.
On my journey through this life I have had many wonderful people come and go through my life. There are few who have lasted through the years and I accept that energy is shared and not always with the same people for long. Those that have been in my life have brought me so many blessings in terms of life lessons, perspective, and yes, a kick in the ass. Turn around is fair play, right? I appreciate that through keeping an open heart, I can continue to grow as well as help others grow. Our journey is not about what “stuff” we have but the integrity and love we have and share.
My best of friends know that I’m brutally honest but that kind of honesty is not from a place of aggression or indifference to my message given. In asking me ANYTHING, I share EVERYTHING I have. Tapping into that universal energy that brings us all together keeps us all in a place of growth and understanding. Compassion fits in with the core of my being and motivates me to help bring peace and joy to those I encounter. Thank you for asking the question Jill Fischer.
As soon as I saw the ocean I knew I made the right decision. I was so proud of myself for choosing to do something far out of my comfort zone. The reward was immediate and huge. My kids were so excited. They started looking for Orcas right away. Silly kids. They traveled so well and didn’t seem to notice how long we were on that bus. Once we got to Patagonia, it was like the bus ride didn’t happen. We did nothing but look forward to planning some amazing experiences. If I didn’t trust myself to simply take the chance, I would never have felt the immense satisfaction of knowing that I could pull it off. Sounds simple but truly, I packed up my kids on a bus in a foreign country that doesn’t speak my language and crossed it clear to the other side. It was a life changing moment for me when I reached my destination knowing that I just did something I would never have thought possible before.
