Doing the right thing is always Right, right?

I’ve been quiet on here lately.  I have been processing the emotional ups and downs of having done the right thing, for the right reasons and working through how it went so wrong. I helped a friend and her children out in a tough time by opening my home to them.  It was a long process that took a long time to devolve to a lot of stress and heartache for just about everyone involved.  There was a wonderful sense of joy in helping those in need  for about 85% of the time. In sharing our home and opening our hearts, many opportunities presented themselves for all of us to learn and grow.

After wading through the many emotions of sadness and loss after my friend moved out I wondered if I would ever allow myself to help others so personally.  Maybe it’s better to simply cut a check to a foundation and call it a day.  I have to admit that the cliche of “no good deed goes unpunished” came to mind many times.  Many of my personal boundaries were broken in trying to create a safe and stable environment for the four kids.  I insulated them as much as possible from the “adult” issues that had to be sorted out.  As time passed and stress built up I realized that I had invested more into helping my friend at the expense of my own emotional well being.  I was exhausted and feeling the pressure to “fix” the situation. My marriage was stressed out and my friend was making my family the source of her stress instead of the circumstances that brought her to my home in the first place.

When it was all said and done and my friend had moved out of my house I really wondered what I had done to bring this drama into my life and what it was that I needed to learn from this. I had, fortunately, kept the big issues away from my kids. They simply thought they left to go to their new house.  Fine. One good thing.  But now what? I allowed my home and family to be compromised so I could help other kids.  I had to really work through a lot of feelings and speak with those closest to me to sort through the emotional debris.

The conclusion: I’m a good person that will continue to help those that I can. The desire to help others is not a flaw.  I will be careful about my boundaries no matter how close the relationship or how long the relationship has been there. I also have learned that my doing things for others doesn’t mean they will react or behave in the way I expected.  It has to be that way. I can’t do things and start putting demands on other people’s sensibility.  So, yes, I would and will continue to help others. Doing the right thing for the right reason outweighs being too afraid of the consequences.  Thank you so much to all my friends and family that helped me with this life lesson. I especially have to thank my friend that is no longer with me because without her I would not have had this lesson learned. I have nothing but light and love for you. Be at Peace.