Every Mom is a full-time Mom

Every Day is Mother's Day ! by KR-WaleedI often describe myself as a full-time stay at home mom of two boys.  It’s an accurate description. What has been bugging me though, is the distinction of “full-time mom”.  How did that term ever get coined?  I’m quite sure that any mother that has reentered the workforce is still a mom even when she’s at the office. There are other moms who’s circumstances have made it impossible for them to physically be with their kids. I feel that these women are still full-time mothers too.  What the hell is a part-time mom?  On the worst end of the scale, even a mother who has left her family, is still a mother. A bad one, but still. Could I simply say I’m a Stay at Home mom and people would understand that?

I feel blessed that I was able to choose to stay home with my children. Many families don’t have this option and due to circumstances like divorce, debt, or otherwise, and the children are in child care. I take each day as it comes and try to provide the most fulfilling childhood for my kids.  My husband and I make careful decisions about the opportunities that present themselves and weigh out what we can do for them when. As it turns out, flexibility has its downfall as I would try to manage all the options and schedule our lives until we looked like we were in a hamster wheel. Having the time to be with the kids was getting lost with programs, playmates,  as well as school and clubs. It was too much. I also have the simple understanding the if you give boys a pile of dirt and a spoon, they’ll be busy for hours. Why spend all the time running from place to place, spending money at every turn when the kids are happy with the simplest of things? I woke up to the level of stress we were all feeling and purposely starting to  create some time where Nothing was scheduled. We could actually improvise. This has been a true blessing.

With Mother’s Day approaching I notice how the marketing machine revs up the guilt to ensure that mom gets a bunch of crap to symbolize their love for her. It’s not about the money spent. I don’t want a locket or heart shaped pendant. I’ll take the flowers though, those are always nice.  I love the sweet things the kids make and give me with such pride. How about someone doing the laundry or getting that weird stain out of the carpet for me? Maybe I could send hubby to Costco with a grocery list and both kids on a Saturday. Please, someone follow them and take pictures for me.  Oh, and before those groceries are put away, how about just taking a quick sec to get that mystery spill cleaned up from the bottom of the fridge?  Thanks much. What do I really want? I want all of this. My kids and husband giving me big hugs and messy kisses telling me that I’m their favourite mom.  I’ll take the sticky hand prints on the walls and those lovely, obscure requests  from Dave, like a phone call to so-and-so  that should only take “a minute”.  I’ve learned that  a minute can be a second or three hours. Through all this, I’ve learned to take time for me and create boundaries both in and out of the house.  I reserve the right to veto last minute plans and can choose to not prepare dinner because, well, I’m done today.  I can hit that wall and now I can do it without apology.  The wonderful thing is, my family appreciates that I’m working for them always and allow me the right to be tired. I’m not made to feel like I let anyone down or that I should be doing just one more thing.  That’s Mother’s Day.  That’s my family and I never forget how lucky I am.

Photo Credit: Every Day is Mother’s Day ! by KR-Waleed