How may I compromise Myself for You today?

42 days of Teresa- day 7

I read this picture of a post today and it got my brain spinning.  It’s not just about how we make decisions so that the guys in our lives happy but how we are socialized to compromise to ensure everyone else around is comfortable.

tinder post compromise

 

It’s more of a self realization type post.  How many decisions do we make because we’re supposed to consider everyone else’s feelings? How about, what will my parents think if I chose to tell them that I actually don’t want to come home for Christmas?   Will the neighbours gossip about me if I don’t pretend to care about their designer handbag and granite counter?  Should I tell that co-worker that their constant complaining about work policies is boring me to tears? Why do I care about that complete fucking stranger that we’ll never see again thinks about my outfit? (Should I go change? ) It’s a good time to realize just how much pressure is on us to compromise and consider others to the point that we don’t even know who we are.

About two years ago I found myself asking where do I fit into my own life? When do I get to be “selfish”. Funny how it’s selfish when a woman makes herself a priority.

I thought I was over this.  Really I did.  Clearly there is still a deep part of me that’s a pleaser.  I don’t want to disappoint anyone.  I allow myself to be manipulated. (at least now I recognize this in the moment)  I found myself in the lane of least resistance in my own life.  I don’t want the argument, the eye roll, the sideways/ passive-aggressive “oh” that is thick with disapproval.  I avoided the confrontation and put myself last. Once I realized that I just threw myself under the bus so that others could feel good about themselves, I got mad at myself.  It was more of a full face palm in my mental dialogue.  How did I allow this to happen….again?!  I’ve found myself doing the full face palm a couple of times this past year.  Now at least I laugh a little at myself.  I cut off the process and, if possible, I cut out the people that can’t recognize how hurtful they are.  If they are not willing to allow me to be who I am without forcing some sort of dialogue where I find myself defending my choices, why keep them around?