I don’t owe you an apology

42 Days of Teresa – Day 34

Does it seem strange that I am finding new perspectives, priorities and seeking out other experiences?  I have found myself enjoying self awareness after years and years of healing. As toxic energy is released, physical healing has happened too.  I no longer suffer from the chronic asthma that used to plague me. I sleep deeply now.  I no longer worry about all the “what ifs”, “why this and thats” so, I can actually enjoy my life and appreciate who I have become.  Without all that extra worry, I have time to look at my life and know that through a lot of work, tons of support and a lot of ups and downs, I am excited about where I am in life and open to all kinds of possible futures.

Now, as I explore these new perspectives, I can also see that I no longer care about everyone else’s approval.  I can choose me.  I used to put myself practically last in all aspects of my life.  I would compromise myself into misery trying to make everyone else happy.  I can see why those that relied on me always willing to compromise are confused or even irritated.  However, I have decided that those that are willing to join me on my journey will be here and support me as I learn and grow.  Relationships change and that’s ok. I truly believe that we have come into each other’s lives with purpose and there is no reason why parting ways has to be a negative thing.  It can simply be.  There can be love and support when things come to an end.

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photo credit: Memingwas Photography

With that personal understanding I can accept that people with come and go into my life. I don’t have to apologize to those that have carried expectations of me based on our long history.  I can only explain that expectations put upon me that no longer serve my best self will no longer be entertained.  My journey has brought me a self awareness that I celebrate.  When I ignore it and fall back into putting myself last, I experience anxiety that reminds me that I have forgotten myself.  Fortunately, I am quick to recognize it when I do this and I can self correct.  I own that.  I don’t apologize for remembering myself.  I am continually grateful for those that are in my life and have supported me through all these changes.  I feel so blessed to have a core of people that don’t judge me or try to change me into something that makes sense to them.  I no longer want to try to measure up to arbitrary value systems that serve ego and separation.  I love recognizing others on their journey and supporting them as they move through what life is bringing them.  There is a special joy in knowing what I am able to do that can best support another and still ensure that I remember to love myself.