Married to an Addict

42 Days of Teresa – day 23

If someone were to ask what it is like to live with an addict and wonder how to cope inside of the relationship, I’d say mostly this:

I was married to an addict. It’s a classic tactic to end the fight with violence or threat of violence and avoid accountability. The process it to make a better offence as a form of defence. The huge display of anger and self righteousness is way to avoid the issues. You get distracted by the fight and what happened there to avoid really getting to the issues. The reality is, there is nothing you can do for an addict that doesn’t want to truly get well. It’s heartbreaking. It shakes you to your foundation and everything you thought you knew about your relationship. It shakes you to the point you wonder if you can trust your own judgement about anything if you could be wrong about this. Something you truly though you believed in, loved, trusted and had a solid, mutual understanding about. The reality is, a junkie is no longer the person you fell in love with. For all the ups and down, glimmers of hope, second, third, thirteenth chances, you have to find a way to look after yourself first. No matter how much you love and worry about you husband, in the end, you’ll be folowing them down a dark road that isn’t yours to travel. Let him go. Let him find his way home…clean and sober or nothing. The con game is long and cruel. He may still love you too but addiction changes people into only a shell of themselves that even they don’t recognize in the mirror. They hate themselves for it and still the addiction holds them. You can hold a space for him but you must create clear boundaries of love and protection for yourself. It’s horrible. It’s scary and my heart breaks for you and anyone who has an addict as a life partner.