Herbal Tea, yes please.

Herbal Tea, yes please.

42 Days of Teresa – day 27

I have yet to eat anything. I just can’t. It takes too much energy.  My kids have been bringing me loose leaf herbal tea with fresh ginger, lemon, honey and oil of oregano in it. Something has to get me jump started.  Now for more sleep.  For my family’s sake, I may shower.

If you need me, I’m in bed

If you need me, I’m in bed

42 Days of Teresa – day 26

For realz.  This woman is drained of any sort of energy.  Time for more sleep and herbal tea.  My kids are angels. Just sayin’. <3

I asked for it. I got it.

I asked for it. I got it.

42 days of Teresa – day 25

Well, there’s asking for stuff and there’s getting stuff.  I wanted a break.  I wanted some peace and quiet so I could hear my thoughts and not have to constantly think about my task list.  I got it.  I got a virus that sapped all energy from my body and had me so drained that I cried just trying to spend the energy I didn’t have feeding myself.  I was in bed for the better of 3 days and completely unable to do anything.  I slept.  I rested in my peace and quiet.

When asking the universe for something, be specific!  I have to laugh. on the inside though. I’m too tired to actually laugh.

Natural Cheerleaders

Natural Cheerleaders

42 Days of Teresa – day 24

I have so many photos that just bring me back to the moment I took them.  Moments of personal struggle and moments of pure amazement.  This is one of them.  I was on a hike that had me wondering what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to go.  I was tired and I felt my body was betraying me. This small patch of green with these gorgeous little flowers in a sea of desolate rock just reminded me how strong I am.  I finished that hike.  I dealt with the moments of weakness in my body.  I was so proud of myself at the end of this particular weekend and these flowers were there to cheer me on.

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Married to an Addict

Married to an Addict

42 Days of Teresa – day 23

If someone were to ask what it is like to live with an addict and wonder how to cope inside of the relationship, I’d say mostly this:

I was married to an addict. It’s a classic tactic to end the fight with violence or threat of violence and avoid accountability. The process it to make a better offence as a form of defence. The huge display of anger and self righteousness is way to avoid the issues. You get distracted by the fight and what happened there to avoid really getting to the issues. The reality is, there is nothing you can do for an addict that doesn’t want to truly get well. It’s heartbreaking. It shakes you to your foundation and everything you thought you knew about your relationship. It shakes you to the point you wonder if you can trust your own judgement about anything if you could be wrong about this. Something you truly though you believed in, loved, trusted and had a solid, mutual understanding about. The reality is, a junkie is no longer the person you fell in love with. For all the ups and down, glimmers of hope, second, third, thirteenth chances, you have to find a way to look after yourself first. No matter how much you love and worry about you husband, in the end, you’ll be folowing them down a dark road that isn’t yours to travel. Let him go. Let him find his way home…clean and sober or nothing. The con game is long and cruel. He may still love you too but addiction changes people into only a shell of themselves that even they don’t recognize in the mirror. They hate themselves for it and still the addiction holds them. You can hold a space for him but you must create clear boundaries of love and protection for yourself. It’s horrible. It’s scary and my heart breaks for you and anyone who has an addict as a life partner.

 

Full Moons and Healing

Full Moons and Healing

42 Days of Teresa – day 22

Well that energy that was leaving my body left a lovely virus in it’s place.  My throat is horribly sore and every muscle in my body feels weak and shaky.  I am so blessed to have my kids to help look after me and my husband who will take car of the kids.  Today I will rest.  More like slip into a min-coma.

Something is Off

Something is Off

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42 Days of Teresa – day 21

All day I have been completely unable to focus.  My energy is leaving and I have to respect that my body is telling me to rest.  Maybe this full moon energy has something to do with it.  I know I have been needing to take some time for me.  It’s so hard to simply honour myself and take this time and not feel guilty about it.  I have the support of those around me.  It’s just me pushing through.  Well, my body is pushing back.  Time to rest.

Solitude- where is it?

Solitude- where is it?

42 Days of Teresa- day 20

Since my husband got home from his 10 day business trip, I have realized how much I need a break.  I’m feeling burnt out.  I must carve out a time for myself to reground and get feeling engaged again.  Most of the time, I’m feeling great.  I love the balance I have created in my life.  Lately, I have felt that I have neglected myself a bit.  I need to fulfill the commitments I have made and then run away!  not really. There’s down time and then there’s the time I take to simply disengage from everything.  I have been spending too much time disassociating from my life for a “break”. It’s easy and no one worries about me.  I think I have to try harder to recognize the moments when I can get plugged back into me.  The time I have been spending writing again has reminded me how much I miss it.  I am grateful for that.  I’ll be expanding on this energy soon.