Balancing the Want to and the Have to

I am all too happy the seasonal weather finally arrived. No gloomy clouds and canceled outdoor activities. The kids are out “washing” my van and possibly the neighboring driveways and yards.  It’s taken about 2 1/2 days to get my house back to normal after a 4 night tent camping trip over the holiday weekend.  It’s a lot of work but so worth it. The kids had a blast and Dave and I actually had a fair amount of downtime, great campfires and wine.

Being a full time stay at home mom, I have found myself fully resenting the tasks that take me away from my kids. All the extraneous phone calls, appointments, and maintenance issues that arise in any household seem to wear on me lately.  I have been working hard on removing the obstacles that keep me distracted from my kids. The first wonderful reinstatement of freedom was hiring a cleaning service. I knew I was frustrated with the house condition but after it was all clean from top to bottom in a couple of hours while I played with the kids, I knew I was onto something.

I’ll be relieving myself of our business administration duties and finding a property management company to deal with our out of town properties. I’m feeling the need for a “hands-off” approach going forward.  With both kids in school, time is not freed up but just rearranged into their world, which is 24-7.

The summer is in full swing and spending time with my family both close and far away have been an exciting focal point for me. The next several weeks will be busy, busy, busy. I’ll be taking my kids to see my sister and brother in law in just over a week. My in-laws will be coming to visit us for in August. 3 of the 5 family members have never seen the mountains we love to see each day. Daycamps, play dates and lazy days lay ahead. Hopefully, with some help, I’ll be able to balance the things I WANT to do with the things I HAVE to do. Not easy, but a worthwhile goal.

Stay cool people.

Lovin’ the state I’m in

I’m finally feeling a little more grounded. I have got a good handle on my immediate priorities and am actually enjoying myself as I’m moving through my days.  I clearly over extended myself during the school year and burned out. I was constantly watching the clock and figuring out how to get even just one more thing done in so little time. The school year is done and the sports commitments and I’m on a little break from volunteering at the YMCA.

I can breath and look forward to planning time with my family.  We have a holiday this week and Canada Day has always been a pretty fun day. This year we’ll be camping. The kids have their Canada flags all ready to go.  Dave will be able to get a climb in on a local peak.  I’ll have my rock climbing gear ready to boulder at a nearby spot.  I can already see the campfire and the kids cycling around the campground. It’s a ton of work but so much fun at the same time.

Enjoying the moment has been a challenge for me and I’ve learned my lesson about spreading myself a little too thin, again.  I didn’t realize that the kids’ schools would be asking so much and I simply forgot how to say “no”.   I love having time to sit and chat with my kids and catch up with my husband and not be going over bills and task lists constantly.  It’s another one of those situations that without the bad you don’t appreciate the good. Right now, everything is good.

Breathing in a lovely mountain view is good medicine.  I highly recommend it.

Milestones

It’s been quite the week. I celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary on Summer Solstice.  It’s such a fun thing to explain to my kids. They keep trying to figure out if we’re still married.  I love the life that Dave and I have built together. Nothing came easy. Lots of communication, goal setting and “checking in” with each other have been key. For better or worse is nothing to gloss over. At this point in my life I love that I don’t “need” anything.  Sure I’d like more stuff but that’s all it is and I’m so happy that I know that. I look around my home and over the faces of my family and I truly know I am blessed.

My oldest boy just finished Kindergarten this week also. It’s so amazing how quickly these moments come and how so many days seemed like they would never end. I have a wonderful kid who has changed so much this school year. He can pick up books and read them, simple math, scientific concepts are explained and absorbed. Kids really are like sponges aren’t they?  His friends are all very busy and eager to learn. It’s fun seeing how serious they are when discussing their career paths.  Becoming a paleontologist is at the top of the list for my almost-6 year old.

My younger boy finished his preschool class. It’s been tons of fun seeing how his friendships have developed.  The academic progress has been marvelous considering the wonderful teachers he had as well as his efforts to keep up with his big brother.

I myself have reached a point where looking at my personal development is a guilt free commitment. The kids are a little older and I am able to assess my life in terms of who I am as a woman as well as wife and mother. This has entailed a lot more time dedicated to being more physically fit. I love rock climbing and the progress I have made in the sport. I have also integrated a cardio and weight training portion to my activity which is paying off in so many ways. My confidence is being reflected in my new found need to completely update my wardrobe.  It’s about time!  seriously, it has to be done.

Getting my Tori on

Getting my Tori on

Recently I have really been turning over in my mind all the things that I will post on my blog.  Delving back into my past as well as relishing my wonderful current life sends my mind spinning in many directions. One musical artist that has truly resonated with me is Tori Amos. In discovering her, I found a way to express myself in regards to my many experiences as a child as well as how to let so much of the baggage go.  I also love that I connected with an artist that is a very talented woman who has allowed herself to be sexy, pissed off, sad or dealing with heavy issues and still remain confident. I found that I didn’t have to be bitch to be confident. I don’t have to play dippy to be approachable by men. I could make eye contact with people and not be seen as confrontational.  I loved the expressiveness in Tori’s music but I really liked that it resonated with me to the point that I could say to myself, “ya, why am I torturing myself and trying to please everyone at my expense?” I started to find my boundaries.  Tori Amos live

I may head down this road more than once.  Musical lyrics can be the therapist we don’t want to admit we need at the time. For that I’m grateful.

Put it Out There

I’ve had it in my head that I would find a venue in which I would be helping, teaching and inspiring people.  I enjoy engaging people and having intelligent, authentic discussions so I can also be helped, learn and be inspired. I must admit that this technology intimidates me as it has so many possibilities and I couldn’t get my head around it. My husband, Dave, told me I was making it far more difficult that it had to be.  “Just put it out there”, he said. So I finally am. I have to start somewhere.

I hope to be able to express myself in a meaningful way that is both engaging and entertaining.  I can be too serious and in my head a lot but also funny and down right silly. I hope I can express that side of me also as it’s more true that I don’t take myself as seriously as some would think.  I have no problem laughing at myself and enjoying a good joke, even if it’s on me.

So, here it is. I’ve put Me out there.  Hang on tight.