Some days are tough

Some days are tough

42 Days of Teresa – day 19

Ya know what? I have been discombobulated lately.  My energy is off.  I haven’t had a good night sleep in over a week.  Why? I don’t know.  Do I need to know?  I don’t think so.  I can just observe this in my body.  I can choose to fight it, hide it or otherwise resent it, but I won’t.  I can just let this play out.  I ask for the patience of my family members and they are all supportive.  For this I am grateful.

Friends without Judgement

Friends without Judgement

42 Days of Teresa – day 18

Today I am simply grateful for the friends I keep in my close circle.  For all our different personal lifestyles, religions, family structures and backgrounds, we support each other completely.  It’s not about agreeing.  It’s about supporting each other and being willing to work though an idea from many perspectives and methodologies. The saying, it taking a village to raise a child can certainly be extended to, it takes a Tribe of Goddesses to raise more Goddesses.  We have each other’s back and can feel confident to share authentically and be present for each other without fear of backlash.  I am truly blessed.

 

Healing my Inner Child

Healing my Inner Child

42 Days of Teresa – day 17

This was one of the most powerful pieces of art that I have had the privilege of seeing up close.  I wish my picture turned out better.  When we can strip away all the ego and complications of the outer influences put on us, there is only our innocent, child self.  There is love and peace and a willingness to see each other for who we truly are.  Seeing this art installation at Burning Man made me feel so connected to this simple way of seeing each other.

 

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Evolution of Relationships

Evolution of Relationships

42 Days of Teresa – day 16

Everyone knows what that “ugly cry” is.  Even if you haven’t had one yourself, you have probably seen one at some point in your life.  Several months ago, after a considerable amount of gin and dancing, I had a complete and total melt down that took place that started me down a very interesting path of self discovery.  In the moment, nearly all ability to preserve your composure is lost and it seems that any efforts made to salvage any only make things worse.  The energy shifts that happen are huge and all kinds of information is dropping in during the temporary rift in the foundation of everything you “know”.

As I stood there in the midst of realizing that I had no shot whatsoever of preserving my dignity as my body dumped whateverthehellitwas out of my body, I just waited it out.  I was thoroughly exhausted. The circumstances that triggered this entire episode felt more like an ambush since I was in no condition to have an introspective discussion about how my behaviour is perceived.  I just listened, mostly, and just allowed my body to process what was happening.  Then I went to bed, mostly in shock but also perfectly aware that something big just happened. I felt myself being broken open and part of me that no longer served me falling away.  There was a softness  and gratitude blended into this though.  I was grateful even though I was speechless.

Now I reflect on the role I played in my meltdown night. I recognize that I allowed myself to be manipulated so that others could be happy.  I was crushed because, it was in the moment, there was a part of me that was mad  for hiding aspects of myself. I just didn’t want to deal with the judgement.  As it turns out, I was right that the judgment was coming, what I didn’t realize was that ultimately, I just don’t give a shit anymore.  I’m done.

I have found myself abundantly aware of the energy being put into my relationships lately.  The ones that are authentic, the ones that run both ways, the ones that are open and without judgement, the ones that are toxic and draining, the ones that have potential to grow if only nurtured a little more.  I have been able to expand in the most important relationships lately.  It’s magical.  I love that mutual support and pleasure in watching another person evolve right before my eyes.  I hold them and feel full of peace and joy.  I feel supported and encouraged to be exactly who I am.  Relationships evolve, even the one with myself.

 

Act on your Passion

Act on your Passion

42 Days of Teresa – day 15

I just love this quote: “Your conviction is a luxury of those on the sidelines.” – Parcher (Beautiful Mind)

I am often very intrigued by those who make spectacular statements of conviction only to reveal that they are often “too busy” to invest much more than words.  I find this especially interesting in social media with the quickly shared or copied memes around inflammatory subjects. Name it- abortion, immunization, religion, politics, nutrition, rape, slut shaming, etc. There are two sides and with any available soapbox, opinions stated a facts run amok.  When asked about information sources, I am no longer surprised to hear vague references to what is ultimately bullshit.

I find myself looking for the company of those that are not on the soap box but quietly and passionately changing the world.  They are not shaming others for having different priorities.  They support others in their passion and find joy in seeing positive changes happen even if it doesn’t personally benefit them.  When people take action and invest time and energy into solving problems bigger than themselves, getting distracted by the noise of those that would object to their passion becomes impossible. These people are my tribe. Thank you.

Be your own Valentine.

Be your own Valentine.

42 Days of Teresa – day 14

Healing comes with remembering self love. It would seem that our “worst” relationships bring us back to this simplicity. Without them would never know our full capacity for resilience. Through the challenging experiences, we journey though an evolution of our own self awareness to a point where we can recognize where we truly belong.

In the end, those that don’t serve our greatest good are those that we end up being the most grateful for. I would venture to say, that even those that were never able to recognize the best aspects of you would have still been positively effected by you. To that end, everyone deserves to experience the best in others.

Take some time to appreciate all you have overcome.  Recognize just how badass you are because of where you are right now.   You can shine your bright light and remember that you are amazing.  Be your own Valentine.  <3

Goddess Energy art

Goddess Energy art

42 Days of Teresa – day 13

I saw this as part of a carving competition.  She is just so beautiful and I am glad I took the moment to snap this photo.

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Triggers. They’re everywhere now.

Triggers. They’re everywhere now.

42 Days of  Teresa- day 12

I have seen so many articles, Facebook feeds, posts and conversations around the use of warning people about trigger warnings. Has it gone too far?  I put trigger warnings on many of my posts to help those that are here to make a choice of self awareness.  I don’t want people getting re-traumatized even though what I want could benefit the reader. It’s not for me to say if that benefit would be realized now or later.  However, I’m talking trauma here.

I’m not talking about people taking offence to another’s point of view. Someone else’s leggings offend someone else and now they’re having such an emotional reaction that they are getting petitions online to having them banned.  How about, all the triggers around almost any kind of emotion?  Someone writes a happy post about being pregnant and looking forward to their baby making journey, only to have a perfect stranger attack them, for not putting a trigger warning on their post as they previously had a miscarriage.  While there may be a lot of pain, sadness and certainly healing around personally experiencing this, should every happy pregnant person be made to second guess sharing their joy in fear that others may find it offensive?  I’m just not able to hold my own experiences to a place that supersedes someone else’s.  Should no one be able to mention childhood sexual abuse around me for fear of upsetting me? I don’t think so.

While I appreciate that people go through different experiences in life, I have a hard time with the super sensitivity around taking someone else’s journey personally.  When I find myself having an emotional reaction to something, I usually manage to step back and ask myself what I’m processing.  If someone else’s choices and experiences are effecting me to the point that I now find myself in a completely different state of mind because of it, there is clearly something I haven’t dealt with that’s surfacing.

From a place of gratitude and self awareness, you could go so far as to thank the other person for creating the personal opportunity to recognize some old wounds.  Just when you thought you had all your shit together, something popped up and got you all riled.  While in a reactionary mode, you start getting defensive and putting blame on others for your emotional journey.  Once the time is taken to step back from the trigger, you can start to breath and pay attention to where the anxiety is physically in your body.  You can think back to the first time in your life you felt this way around the issue that upset you.  At this point you have the option to either take the time to look deeper into yourself and start releasing this old pain or simply observe it and make a decision to look into it at a time when you feel more comfortable doing so.  In either option, the actual resolution will have nothing to do with the situation that caused the emotions to surface.

Food for thought I guess….. reflection