Random thoughts…maybe not so random.

I’m literally having anxiety attacks as I process this integration of what I’ve been doing and what I want to be doing.  I find myself running away, shutting down and basically being a big chicken.  I think I have a lot of work to do. To share, to heal, to help others heal.

I’m running in a circle of excitement, clarity and moment that wanes to sadness and frustration with myself for not being able to take the action necessary to fulfill my vision.

Thank you to my sister and husband for pushing me. They hold me accountable.  Thank you to those that have supported me and continue to support me as I embrace sharing some of these hard topics around sexual childhood abuse and sexual trauma.  The discussions that have happened here have inspired me to continue opening the door for more discussions.  I need to expand this to a place where talking is just the beginning.

I’m so far out of my comfort zone with this and I am getting upset with myself for not being able to simply embrace this exciting idea.  I know I can do it but fear of the unknown combined with fear of success is overwhelming me.  I can’t figure out if I’m running through another cycle of depression or I’m just panicking.

Just sharing this.  I need an outlet for my process. I’ll get there.