Saving time and investing in Healthy Friendships

I had a great conversation with a girlfriend yesterday about how to recognize the value of a friendship. There are just too many people who claim to be a friend and then do absolutely nothing to maintain the relationship. “Let’s get together soon, we should definitely do that, I’ll call you soon, I love it when we get together “….. and various other meaningless commitments with zero follow through have got me fed up. You know them. They are the type of people so full of personality and fun in the moment but seem to disappear as soon as the moment is over. That is truly fine with me. It’s the lame statement of intention at the end of the event that leaves me wondering if people are lying or don’t know how to leave someone’s company without pretending to be friends. Then, there are those that seem nice enough but only reach out when they need something. Seriously, this is not a friendship. This person is a parasite. Thoughtless and selfish requests of your time and energy is absolutely draining and continuing this sort of arrangement is very self destructive. Value yourself enough to know when a person has gone past the benefit of the doubt to toxic.

A good friend of mine once describes the best kind of friend as the driver of your “getaway car”. The one you could rely on no matter how tough situations got. That friend would be the one to ensure you’re ok and support you through the worst of circumstances. They are also the friend that is honest and loves you enough to tell you give your head a shake and get back on track. There is no false flattery but lots of love and acceptance. The best way to recognize a friend is to simply notice how much energy is spent maintaining the relationship. Is it a two way street of communication or are you the one always making the calls with ideas and dates and times and hoping they make time for you at some point? There were a couple people in my life that made me feel like a stalker. I would call, leave messages and then maybe I’d get a return, if they had time or inclination. I stopped wasting my time on people that didn’t value me. Once I made that observation in myself it was easy to let people go and wish them well. We are all on our own journey and it only my ego that was asking why this and why not that. I stopped wasting my time and shut my ego up in one go. Success!

I spent my entire childhood trying to make the wrong people happy. When I got so much as a compliment I was willing to endure so much of the other abuse. It was so hard to recognize that it was all a control game. I learned to respect myself and value who I am and promised myself that I would not allow myself to stay in toxic relationships. No one was going to hit me or disrespect me to the point where I would be apologizing for not making the other person happy. When I got old enough to properly allow myself to heal, I found that the most important relationship was the one I had with myself. If I wasn’t going to treat myself as a priority, no one else would.

I don’t have time for opportunistic people in my life. I’m busy. We all are. I spend my energy on those that I love the most. My family and those friends that take the time to invest in a real relationship. It takes a lot of effort to make a good friendship work and I respect myself enough to not drive myself crazy trying to be everyone’s friend. I love that people can cross paths and enjoy a moment and then move on in their own journey. It’s all part of the divine. One profound conversation that raises your level of consciousness is better than many shallow and draining conversations. That one conversation may be all you needed to find a new perspective that allows you to grow. Enjoy those moments and know that you probably have connected with someone in a very short time and impacted on their growth and continuing journey.