The Power of a Tribe

Almost a week ago I shared a moment of clarity while feeling fully overwhelmed with anxiety.  I was able to articulate what the experience of having to function while anxiety washed through my body.

In that space I was able to connect with many people who thanked me for sharing, asked questions about why I would do that or simply offered support and friendship. I guess I felt that it was something I could do, so I did.  I could share that internal process publicly and see what the result would be.  Maybe it was too personal. I don’t know. In the aftermath, I don’t think so.  It was something that maybe isn’t done enough.  Just to say I’m having a bad day, making up bullshit excuses like, I’m tired to mask the anxiety only to make others feel better.  It occurred to me that I lie about how I’m feeling to help others not to feel bad or awkward.  I just threw it out there and it seems to me that there was a strange sigh of relief that happened within me.  I didn’t have to hide or put on a fake smile.  I could just be having a bad day….filled with anxiety and what may have been a toxic energy release.  I could let it surface and then….let it go.

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Glacier National Park

I was messaged personally through Facebook, text message and twitter with messages of support and gratitude.  Those acts alone spoke volumes to me.  I could allow this process to happen and not worry about how it made others feel. The fact is, many people were grateful I could express something that they were struggling with.  I personally found that this anxiety was able to leave me in less than a couple of days.  I’m not saying this wouldn’t have happened anyway, but it was nice to know that I had a tribe with me.  People who completely understood, people who didn’t but wanted to know more so they could help, people who wished me well and sent me uplifting messages to express concern or care, were all in my corner.  That helped me feel less crazy.  I could just let it flow.

All I can say is THANK YOU!!  <3  Your willingness to read, share, message me, message myself or others who may feel similarly, or simply talk about depression and anxiety with others helps more than you know. It’s an uncomfortable subject because it’s not easy to describe and not easy to understand, especially in this rushed society where we are all supposed to be happy, all the fucking time.  I’m tired of apologizing when I’m really in need of help and support. I’m tired of feeling overwhelmed, scared and generally crazy but find myself worrying about how others would feel if they really knew how I felt.  I have learned that it is ok to simply be true to myself. People are willing to help and support.  They are willing to patient and kind while I work through my shit.  I appreciate that and feel that this understanding helped me move through my anxiety in a much more fluid way.